28 Jan 08 -WOD

Space Invaders

This one is for my dawgs...

Okay bro here's the deal... you cheated on your girl, you got caught out there and now your lady wants to end the relationship. So what do you do? Don't answer that. Instead, let me tell you how it all goes down. Now that you've gotten jammed up, you are determined to do whatever it takes to salvage your strained relationship. All of a sudden, you "think" you realize just how much your woman really means to you. Out of the blue, it becomes crystal clear that you really did have a GOOD woman in your corner. She's smart, attractive, upwardly mobile, she can cook, the lovin' is great, she knows how to cater to her man, and she makes more money than you do. The thought of some other guy ending up with your woman is enough to drive you insane. So now you return to your old ways of trying to woo your lady. You know I'm right. So you begin to send flowers to her job again, you leave cute little cards in her briefcase, you call her phone when you know she's not available just so you can serenade her voicemail with an ole' familiar love song from yesteryear. Isn't it funny how, just like that, you manage to revert back into a dating pro?

So especially for my fellow hind-sighted courtship experts out there, I jotted down a few questions that the sistahs want answers to:

1. Why does it always require men to get caught up in a dramatic episode before they realize the true value of good mate?

2. Why do men tend to cheat on their woman with a girl who clearly doesn't measure up to the 'DIME' they have at home?

3. What gives men the audacity to think that a few apologies and kind gestures should help to restore a betrayed woman's trust, confidence, or love?

One common thread amongst most men who have cheated and gotten caught is that all of a sudden we become relationship micro-managers. In other words, we want to know where she's going, who she's going with, when she's coming back, and mainly CAN I GO TOO? I went through a similar situation once with an ex-girlfriend. I can still recall walking on egg shells whenever she was out of my direct line of sight. I would try to plan daily activities just so that I could account for every second of idle time in the course of her day. The "Ex" would decline my offers of course and tell me that she just needed time away from me so that she could sort things out mentally. Y'all already know a brotha wasn't trying to hear any of that madness though. Instead, I tried harder. That's right ... I did everything from planning romantic outdoor excursions complete with fruit, wine, chocolates and finger sandwiches; to orchestrating spontaneous mini vacations; to "Baby I was thinking, you should let me take you shopping"... Don't sleep, a desperate man will resort to anything. She would typically accept the offers that were most beneficial to her. Yet at the end of the day, she made it painfully clear that I was crowding her space. The toughest thing for a man to do is to let go when he knows his woman is in a vulnerable space.

Fellas, take heed... it will benefit you, your lady, and the relationship far more if you just honor the woman's request and allow her some much needed space. Nothing will drive a woman away quicker than an over-bearing cheater. You've made your bed, bro. It's time to man up and lie in it. If that woman manages to forgive you, whether sooner or later, it will ultimately have to be her own decision. Your constant presence is merely a reminder of your betrayal. You are doing more harm than good. BACK OFF! She will get in touch with you ... if and when she decides to. And if she never does, well then I guess you should start considering a full term relationship with "the runner up". I'm just saying, it is what it is, dawg.

Corey R.

22 Jan 08 - WOD

The Talk

A happy couple who has been dating for 7 months decides to evaluate the current state of their relationship one evening over a quiet, romantic dinner. The woman, between sips of her favorite wine, begins the conversation with a classic question... "Sooo Babe, where do you see us 6 months to a year from now?" The gentleman places his fork back on his plate very precisely, completely chews the remnants of the sliced steak he'd previously bitten into, and then he replies "I actually feel pretty good about the space we're operating in right now. Think about it... We spend consistent quality time, we're still growing and learning one another's likes and dislikes; meanwhile we're accomplishing all of these things minus the stresses that often accompany a committed relationship. The way I see it is ... why tamper with perfection?" He smiles as he cuts off another slither of steak then gracefully raises the fork to his mouth.

Deciding it best to leave well enough alone, the couple diverts their attention back to their delightful meal. The man is pleasantly surprised as he realizes he just dodged a huge bullet. The couple finishes the main course and a bottle of wine. After sharing dessert with his sweetie, the gentleman requests the bill. Just as the waiter walks away to retrieve the bill, the woman turns to her companion and belts out the words every man hopes to never hear, "Oh so I'm good enough for you to sleep with but not good enough for a committed relationship, huh?" In the blink of an eye the entire evening just turned bittersweet. Ladies, can you help a brotha understand... why would you elect to have the talk when everything appears to be flowing along smoothly? Haven't you heard the saying... if it ain't broke, don't fix it? I don't mean to suggest that you should settle for less than you deserve, I'm simply trying to understand a woman's logic. Can someone please shed a little light on this situation for the fellas?

Corey R.

15 Sept 08

Plan B

Wouldn't it be great if we all had youth, talent, time, swagger and wealth on our side? These attributes would aid greatly to increase our odds for a successful lifestyle. Unfortunately, since very few folk possess Kobe's basketball bravado, Chris Brown's electric charisma, Denzel's cinematic charm, or Nasir Jones's poetic prowess, it would probably benefit us all to discover a more carefully tailored back up plan to ensure our own bright futures. From time to time, I allow my mind to drift off onto euphoric mental excursions. My imagination takes me to a place where I am 100% debt free, I own a modest single family home with an enclosed deck and home theatre... plus (just for kicks) I push the new Porsche 911 Targa 4. I envision a world that welcomes me home to a loving wife, 2.5 children and 3 exotic fish. Then just as I lean in to greet my lovely wife and kids with a kiss, my dreams are interrupted by the harsh reality of life as I know it... as many of you also know it. My life, as it stands today consists of a job and a half. Sadly enough, if my luck suddenly were to plunge for the worse and God forbid I lost my full-time job, I'm ashamed to say that I don't have a solid fall back plan.


I think it goes without saying that a brotha would get on his immediate grind with hopes of securing a replacement occupation. Truth is, if something as tragic as that were to occur in my life today, I could not comfortably afford to maintain my current lifestyle for any significant period of time. I hope for your own sake that you're not in this same category. I pray that if you are, this blog raises your awareness to the fact that now is as good a time as any to start mapping out your "plan B". Do you have any sound investments, trades that generate additional funds, 401K or retirement funds, savings accounts, or even a reliable side hustle? If you do not have one or more of the aforementioned emergency exit strategies, NOW is the time to lay the foundation that will allow you to establish a nest egg fund. Especially considering the nation's current economic outlook, it is probably not advantageous to place all of your faith in your full-time job. The Bush administration has assured us all of one thing over the past 8 years ... the U.S. giveth and the U.S. taketh away. I'm no financial advisor, but I do know that it behooves us all to establish a bit of a financial cushion. That good old fashioned "paycheck to paycheck" way of living is played out. Take the time to research alternative measures to supplement your current income stream. Mr. Kanye West said it best "having money is not everything; not having it is". Start planning today for a more comfortable tomorrow and may your proverbial "cup" runneth over in such a way that you'll have room to pour out financial blessings to others.



Corey R.

7 Jan 08 - WOD

Like you like that...

Have you ever paid close attention to the laws of attraction? I have. One thing that has been consistent throughout my observations is the majority of the time, the person we are most attracted to is usually attracted to someone else. What is equally as fascinating is the fact that there is often some random individual who thinks the world of us; yet we don't reciprocate their affinity.

Here is a perfect example of the laws of attraction in action:

Kyle a very popular marketing executive has a thang for his colleague Nancy whose intelligent, smart, sexy, confident, and goal oriented. Nancy doesn't like Kyle "like that" though. You see she's in pursuit of John. John lives in a roomy condo over looking the downtown Harbor. John likes Katherine, Tina and Nancy but he loves Chrissy. Chrissy comes from a wealthy family, drives a Porsche, works an average of 16 hours a week, and spends the rest of her time trying to impress an unemployed, under-achiever named Dexter. Dexter likes Chrissy's fashion savvy and he thinks she's cool but he doesn't like her "like that" because he'd much rather spend time with the boys. Oh by the way, Dexter is sweet on Jeremy. Ain't life funny?

Personally, I recall an occasion where I sought the attention of a particular female acquaintance who didn't share my enthusiasm for getting to know one another. I admit that in that instance I questioned whether I lacked the special STUFF required to woo the object of my affection. I soon came to terms with the fact that I could have done one handed cart wheels while wearing florescent boxer briefs in the midst of a snow storm and still never have gained her attention in the manner I wanted it. That's the nature of the laws of attraction.

If we live long enough, most of us will get burned by these laws. Let's face it, at some point we'll be smitten by someone who plain and simply will not like us "like that". What's more important is that we understand No MATTER WHAT... we are not to blame. Spend less time seeking validation from others and more time concentrating on liking yourself. Understand that its the loss of that individual who passed you over; not your own. For the record... I like you like that. Be blessed.

Corey R.