"How to feel?"
Two weeks ago, my youngest Aunt (the cool one) came to town to pay my Grandmother a visit. My Aunt and her family reside in New Jersey so it's always cool to hangout with her when she's in town visiting. Since she had yet to see my house, I made it a point to be her personal chauffeur for the evening. I picked my Aunt Beverly up from my Grandmother's house and took her to Northeast Baltimore so she could check out the crib. Upon entering my home, my Aunt exclaimed that she was impressed by my choice of home decor. She joked that it was not at all like the typical bachelor pad. Then, in the next instant, her interior designer instincts kicked in as she began to make suggestions of subtle accent pieces that I might consider to further enhance the mellow "machismo" that I've established.
Last week ... surprisingly enough, my Aunt 'Bev' returned to town. It's rare to see her in Maryland two weeks in a row. This time, when I stopped pass my Grandmother's house, my Aunt surprised me with some beautiful window treatment for my dining room. No doubt, the addition of those lovely valances are going to transform the look and feel of my dining room. Beverly has always been the type of person who delights in doing wonderful things for others. She's one of the few folk I know who genuinely finds fulfillment in doing for others. She's a remarkable Mom, a supportive sister, an unconditional wife, a loving daughter, and a great person. I guess that's why I just can't seem to wrap my mind around the fact that she's no longer here.
On Friday night, my Aunt Bev was involved in a tragic auto accident. Both her husband and 21 year old daughter are in intensive care, even now. My Aunt wasn't as fortunate, obviously. She was pronounced dead at the scene of the crash, just after 8pm last Saturday. Right now I feel numb. I still can't take this melancholy news seriously. I keep expecting to awaken from this 72 hour nightmare and hear my Aunt's nasal voice telling me how much she's looking forward to my lil cousin's college graduation, in December. Damn, I hope it's true when they say she's in heaven looking down on us. I pray that she arrives in heaven in time to witness her baby girl's commencement ceremony. Just the thought of it should have me in tears but so far I guess I'm still in denial. The best way to describe my emotions is simply this: I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FEEL, right now.
Is that wrong?
Corey R.
