28 March - WOD

"Know me like that"

Recently, I bumped into a friend I hadn't seen since we attended college together. She mentioned how nice it was for her to converse with someone who actually knows "the real her". Based on our conversation, it seems that her career path has propelled her into a stratosphere of celebrity and facade. She commented on the fact that many of her peers would claim that they truly know her yet the majority of them don't even know her government name. Initially, I just listened as she vented and didn’t give the discussion too much energy, either way. After further processing her comments, I started to recall the fond feelings that accompany those moments spent with non-pretentious folk who had taken the time to get to really know me.

Let’s face it, most folk wear two faces. We each have a professional mask and we have a personal face. The professional mask is a slightly doofus, phony smile “is it payday yet?” face. The personal face is a more authentic “pour me a glass of wine and turn that up, that’s my song right there” face that better depicts the ‘you’ that only your loved ones are granted access to. In a nutshell, most people master the art of role-playing. That’s fine. After all, not everyone deserves to get acquainted with the up close and personal you. I have to agree with my friend that it’s always nice to escape individuals who really “don’t know me like that”. After spending 40 + hours per week in my professional mask, it sure is refreshing to take that face off and just be regular ole me. Can you relate?

Corey R.

13 March - WOD

“Letting go”

Recently I attended the funeral of an estranged loved one. It was quite a surreal experience. I sat attentively in the front row of the funeral parlor staring into a casket filled with the shell of a being whose spirit, in my opinion, fled the scene long before any physical death ever occurred. As I peered at the stoic corpse, all I could feel was NOTHING. There was an emptiness that consumed me because of a disconnect that took place more than 25 years ago. It almost felt as if I were merely an outsider… like some sort of onlooker. Under normal circumstances, when a family member perishes we tend to experience bouts of sadness as we realize that this is the fork in the road were we must temporarily part ways.

To this day, I still can't distinguish whether I was paralyzed more by the thoughts of the opportunities that my father allowed to fall by the wayside or by the notion that it would kill me if my own son sat at my funeral and couldn't muster even two positive memories of our times together. As I paid my final respects to a father I never truly knew, I had to constantly remind myself that his siblings and my Grandmother have been sufficient in spite of his void. Some might say that he had a legitimate excuse seeing how he's been a drug addict for the greater portion of my life. How could he possibly be responsible for his children when in the grand scheme of things he couldn't even take care of himself? As the pastor preached from a makeshift alter, her words pierced my soul like a hot knife through melted butter. Her words still resound vividly in my ears. "God's got him ... rest now, you all can let go".

My definition of letting go differs greatly from my Grandmother, my Aunts and my Uncle. I had to let go of animosity. I had to let go of the armor lining that hugged my heart. I had to make peace with the fact that my father was less than capable of being a responsible parent. Ultimately, I had to let go of my father’s transgressions. Although I've let go of old frustration, I hold firmly to my determination to strive constantly to be a loving father, motivator, supporter, and consistent presence in the life of my lone offspring. So I’m happy to say that “today is a new day, I let go of yesterday”. Be blessed.

Corey R.

6 March - WOD

"Shorty said..."

I had a talk with a dear friend that sounded something like this
Shorty hollered we dig one another right, so why not seal it with a kiss?
So I’m like dagg if I kiss shorty, she might get it misconstrued
Like she's my princess, my “baby girl” and I’m her most official dude.

So I think really quickly on my toes as not to be rude and flat out tell shorty No!
Then I gently kiss her on the cheek and "would you look at the time... I'm sorry but I really must go"
Had to learn the hard way that to most girls a kiss is never 'just a kiss'
It usually bears a far deeper meaning like "this could maybe end in marital bliss".

So nowadays I’m far more cautious of what I say and do
Cause I fear someday having a daughter ... you know they say it all comes back around to you
Instead I say "listen Ma, I’ve got no problems taking things super slow
And if that pace doesn't sit well with you then by all means feel free to say so
... But then I'll likely suggest that you just go.

See I refuse to allow any woman to expend valuable energy and time with me
Under the pretense that I’ll feel some type of way about her eventually
So I tell shorty that if she’s fine with us spending one priceless moment at a time then that's great
But if she’s on the market for a fiancé, husband, or life-mate…
It’ll probably benefit her in the long run to just wait and we should no longer date.

Sorry shorty I’m simply not interested in fulfilling such a role at this point in my life
Promise not to sell you a pipedream only later to cause you added stress or strife.
So what I’m saying to shorty is I just want us to remain friends
Can’t promise that my views of our relationship will change in the end.

I like us the way we are but hey, you have to be happy too
So I will suck it up and step aside so you can feel free to do you
Can you believe that shorty wants my two cent on what she should do?
I’m like "nah shorty I can only tell you what I feel and the rest is completely up to you”.

After all, it’s not my place to decide what is in someone else's best interest
Shorty says "it's like you could care less what I do" and I’m like "that's truly not the case but... more or less".

Am I wrong for that?

Corey R.