The Talk
A happy couple who has been dating for 7 months decides to evaluate the current state of their relationship one evening over a quiet, romantic dinner. The woman, between sips of her favorite wine, begins the conversation with a classic question... "Sooo Babe, where do you see us 6 months to a year from now?" The gentleman places his fork back on his plate very precisely, completely chews the remnants of the sliced steak he'd previously bitten into, and then he replies "I actually feel pretty good about the space we're operating in right now. Think about it... We spend consistent quality time, we're still growing and learning one another's likes and dislikes; meanwhile we're accomplishing all of these things minus the stresses that often accompany a committed relationship. The way I see it is ... why tamper with perfection?" He smiles as he cuts off another slither of steak then gracefully raises the fork to his mouth.
Deciding it best to leave well enough alone, the couple diverts their attention back to their delightful meal. The man is pleasantly surprised as he realizes he just dodged a huge bullet. The couple finishes the main course and a bottle of wine. After sharing dessert with his sweetie, the gentleman requests the bill. Just as the waiter walks away to retrieve the bill, the woman turns to her companion and belts out the words every man hopes to never hear, "Oh so I'm good enough for you to sleep with but not good enough for a committed relationship, huh?" In the blink of an eye the entire evening just turned bittersweet. Ladies, can you help a brotha understand... why would you elect to have the talk when everything appears to be flowing along smoothly? Haven't you heard the saying... if it ain't broke, don't fix it? I don't mean to suggest that you should settle for less than you deserve, I'm simply trying to understand a woman's logic. Can someone please shed a little light on this situation for the fellas?
Corey R.
12 comments:
LMAO! I'll counter the question with a question - What's the point of having 'the talk' when things AREN'T going smoothly?? :-) Isn't the real issue simply having 'the talk' at all? Oh wait...that was 2 questions. My bad.
is this a joke, or are men just truly stupid? wait...don't answer that ladies.
look at it this way c-luv: when it is time for you to approach your boss about a raise, do you wait until your job performance is lacking? do you wait until your boss is getting on your nerves? i think the answer is no to both of these. you ask for a raise when you know that you are working well, your worth is evident in your job performance and you can't wait around any longer for your boss to notice it all on his/her own. You need to be paid what you are worth, or its time to look for another j-o-b.
such is the case with women in these pseudo relationships. you wait around for as long as you can, you put out what you want on the table and go from there. i don't think it's that difficult to understand.
stop being so selfish and trying to "dodge a bullet." too bad your happy little meal was interrupted by one simple question. answer it honestly. don't use the old "if it aint broke don't fix it" line. in this case it seems like the answer is yes, you are good enough for me to sleep with and not good enough for a relationship. break out of those old habits corey r.
Yes, I agree with homegirl who posted before me. Men need to buy the flippin "cow" and stop trying to get the milk for free. We're too grown for this limbo something like a relationship with no title affair. Wine me, dine me, sleep in my bed but can't make me your "girlfriend" becuz you're a punk. Fellaz who are afraid of commitment need to say that in the beginning, so that sista's can find a serious brother who will be all that they need. And fellaz, you gon mess around and miss the best you ever had because you're stupid!
Absolutely second and third the posted messages. The bottomline is "knowing your worth". The reality is that the relationship is already broken. This is why the issue/question exists. Progress and productivity are key in all aspects including relationships. That was such a wonderful analogy with the job anonymous.
Whether you are the lady asking your man or a man having to ask your lady... if you have to ask the problem began a long time ago.
Know your worth and if it is not being valued, recognized or appreciated...You don't have to be bothered. Move on. It will hurt but only for a little while.
Life is too short.
We elect to have “the talk” because our view on relationships is different. Men assume everything’s good while we as women are thinkers and must be clear on were we stand. Women also know early on were we like to see things progress and we will have “the talk” as a confirmation to ensure were on the same page with our man.
On the flip side if we haven’t established the nature of the relationship in the beginning were left to assume all sorts of things based on our wants/desire. Your partner may also have a hidden agenda so you must be sure to communicate your intentions but it also must be in alignment with your actions.
i.e. your dating someone but haven’t had “the talk” about if your exclusive this could lead to assumption on your part and could bite you later when your discover your Beau is also sweet on Jeremy
“The talk” is a good sign that she’s feeling you because when she’s not talking you should beware.
BTW-The man logic having “the talk” is nothing more than the safety zone for a man, so he can leave things open.
I think one thing that has clearly been overlooked in this entire post is the phrase "APPEARS to be flowing along smoothly". Flowing along smoothly for whom? Let me guess, the guy who has been successfully "dodging bullets" right? Who ever said it wasn't broken? The fact that "your lady" had to bring up "the talk" simply means that something appears to broken or unclear to her. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that you guys have been "courting" for 7 months and the relationship has yet to be defined as committed. Definitely sounds like alot of free loading & cow milking going on.
C-luv I noticed that you made mention of the fact that the evening seemed to turn bittersweet after the statement “Oh so I'm good enough for you to sleep with but not good enough for a committed relationship" was made, have you ever stopped to think that the dinner really went bittersweet when the male companion in this post simply selfishly said “we're accomplishing all of these things minus the stresses that often accompany a committed relationship”. Now maybe it's me. But I can't honestly think of any woman who would be happy playing the role of the "trusty side kick with no commitment" for another 7 months of her life. So I think the lady’s question and timing was right on point.
Time is too precious to waste on people who do not share your vision.
Well, this is what I have to say about that... Women initially want security and to feel safe in most situations, especially relationships. I asked my man the same question a year after we met and he flipped out b/c he thought things were going well b/t us, but I was ready to feel "safe" with him. I was ready to let go of all of my insecurities, vulnerabilities, and shortcomings and be totally with him and feel comfortable about it and know that he was on the same page. I was ready to make it official...meaning with everything. I didn't want to sit stagnant in the spot we were in together. I wanted him to be all about me and vice versa. So, that is why we ultimately do it....to feel safe and secure in a true relationship, so that it can really be no holds barred! That's my two cents. :)
what's your response c-luv? do yo understand now?
That's why I don't give it up until AFTER we've had "the talk". LOL!
Women need to stop being so desparate and thinking that every man that they sleep with wants to be their boyfriend. Hello! After 7 months of getting the goods and he's satisfied, obviously that's all its about. Women have to know when to move on because obviously "he's just not that into you" when you're not in bed together, at least.
Ladies, keep it tight if you don't know how to play the game to make him want to have "the talk". Because it's all a game, believe it or not.
There you go C-luv, just Fancy keepin' it real, with the carats to show for it. LOL!
First and foremost, I'd like to thank everyone who commented on this topic. I'm well aware that "the talk" can spawn some really sensitive emotions, especially as it applies to my female audience. Please understand that your feedback has proven to better enlighten not just myself but my fellow brethren as well. I need all of you to know that I value your comments whether they oppose my views or align with them. I learn a great deal through my interaction with you all. Thanks for taking the time to drop a gem on my blog. I will try my best to continually provoke, entertain, and enlighten you all. Be blessed.
great topic...I see the females were truly engaged on this one. I think fancy pants said it best. She seems to be speaking more logically than emotionally which usually leads to better decisions in ALL facets of life and relationships..IMO
cuz
It's important not to change the rules of the game mid-way thru. Even when you have the talk -upfront- after intimacy, men and women think that changes the rules of the game and then they become a little territorial. It's important to "check yourself" throughout your entire union to make sure you're on the same page!
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