cLoSe YoUrS
Last year, Tyler Perry brought his film entitled "Why did I get married" to theatres nationwide for our viewing pleasure. As is the case with most African American motion pictures, my homeboys and I conducted a brief post-analysis session of the main characters in the movie. We customarily try to determine which personality traits of the cast members can be likened to tendencies that we possess. I usually find these compare and contrast episodes quite fascinating. This session would prove to be different however.
I was disappointed to learn that the fellas pretty much all seemed to agree that my personality most closely mirrored that of the character Mike, (Jill Scott's husband in the movie). It actually bothered me to know that my closest friends associated me with a character who was so unbelievably inconsiderate, harsh, and deliberately hurtful. In all fairness though, it's not as if the fellas' perspectives were completely unfounded. In a previous relationship, at a much earlier stage of my life, I was in fact brash, brutally honest, and unsympathetic. Years ago, I harshly criticized a former girlfriend about her excessive weight gain. Although, I didn't go quite as hard as Mike's character, the fact still remains that I have inflicted my fair share of verbal assaults in the past.
The more I listened to my friends' accounts of my past antics, the more remorseful I felt about the way I mishandled that situation. I've grown quite a bit over the past few years. As a result, I dont simply acknowledge my mistakes; I also make an attempt to correct my wrongs, wherever possible. Even prior to the discussion I had with the homies, it was always apparent to me that this woman deserved a long overdue apology. Fortunately for me, I still have mutual friends with my ex. As I contemplated the best way to apologize to my ex-girlfriend, there were several thoughts that nearly prevented me from following through. The first thought that caused hesitance on my behalf was the fact that we haven't communicated in several years. The second was the fact that my mind kept trying to convince me that the conversation would fall upon deaf ears. What if she feels that your apology is too little, too late? I told myself "Forget it, I'm not doing it. We've both gone on with our lives, she's fine, I'm sure."
I probably convinced myself more than a dozen times not to go through with the confrontation, yet a part of me understood that this conversation truly needed to take place. Not just so that she would know that I'm sincerely sorry for the way I conducted myself in the past but more importantly because I've grown into a positive man and I owe it to myself to shed the burden of that former negative stigma that followed me for all those years. So three weeks ago, I arranged a face to face meeting with my ex. During our brief encounter, I apologized for every nasty remark, harsh criticism, and undeserved verbal assault that I have ever directed at her. I let her know that I would completely understand if she chose not to accept my apology. I also explained that I had not been at peace with myself for years as a result of never verbalizing my regret for the way I mistreated her, years ago. I concluded by telling her that I wished her nothing but the best that life has to offer because I feel that she truly deserves the best.
As I arose from my seat to leave, she calmly remarked "I forgive you, Corey" then she sealed the deal with a hug. I smiled on the inside when I heard her speak those four sweet words. To me those words symbolized a long awaited freedom. Freedom of the evil stigma that had previously attached itself to me. Freedom of the guilt associated with the mistreatment of a woman who once loved me unconditionally. Freedom from the chains that linked me back to my unresolved transgressions. Now... finally, I have closure. I swear it feels like someone just lifted the Eiffel Tower off of my aching shoulders. I don't claim to be "the boss of you" but if you have unhealed wounds, unresolved issues, or perhaps you have left the door ajar to some potentially volatile situation in your life; I strongly suggest that you do as I did and cLoSe yOuRs.
Corey R.
