The British Ministry of Defense states the rules of engagement (ROE) determine when, where, and how force shall be used when two opposing entities are engaged in war.
The ROE deal with four issues:
(1) When military force may be used.
(2) Where military force may be used,.
(3) Against whom force should be used in the circumstances described above, and
(4) How military force should be used to achieve the desired ends.
I find it interesting that two rival nations, even in the midst of an intense war are expected to conform to a gentleman's code regarding battle tactics. What I find even more compelling is that in many cases, companions often exercise a "no holds barred" approach when handling their disputes. I once heard it said that "All is fair in love and romance". What's with the blank stare? Don't tell me I'm the only person whose ever been involved in a relationship where his mate was notorious for a throwing low blows whenever a disagreement ensued?
I've interviewed a fair share of women especially who believe that being upset grants them the right to become verbally aggressive. Give it a break ladies, that logic is played out. I don't mean to insinuate that some brotha's aren't guilty of the same war crime. All I'm saying is that women have patented and perfected the "strike below the belt" strategy. There is nothing worse than having a disagreement with a mate who constantly regurgitates information that you confided to them, during a life crisis. Some information is totally inadmissible in the midst of a dispute. C'mon people, have a little dignity while forging through a disagreement. For those of you who think it's acceptable to NOT exercise restraint during an "adjustment" (clinical terminology for an argument or disagreement), I have taken the liberty of providing the ROE blueprint for relationships. Chickity check it...
Rules Of Engagement for Relationships (ROER):
(1) During a dispute, do NOT pummel your partner with personally painful information that he/she divulged to you in confidence.
(2) Learn to make a point minus the unnecessary excessive use of profanity; most folk tend to tune you out after the second curse word anyway.
(3) Recognize that it is perfectly acceptable for partners to have a difference of opinions; after all, you're two uniquely different individuals. Agreeing to disagree is the best bet sometimes.
(4) Refrain from over-stating the SAME point during any one conversation. Your partner heard you the first AND second times you said it. Trust me!!!
(5) Keep your personal quarrels between the two parties involved. Leave your friends out of your disputes. Ultimately, a solution has to come from you two.
(6) Focus on exercising restraint and respect, during an "adjustment". Even, bitter rivals have a certain level of respect for one another. If you take this approach, I guarantee your partner will have no choice except to reciprocate.
(7) Once both parties agree that the dispute is over... Let it go. No really, LET IT GO.
My suggestion is to shift your emphasis from trying to prove your point and belittle your partner to finding a peaceful compromise that appeals to both parties. The additional time saved from disputing can be spent "making up". If the U.S.A and Russia could "squash their beef" in a mutually respectful fashion, clearly you and your "Boo" have the STUFF it takes to do it too. Be blessed.
Corey R.
NOTE: the above information regarding ROE was obtained from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rules_of_engagement)
8 comments:
The best skill any two people in a relationship can have is the ability to fight fair. Maybe b/c you're a man, you think that women are the only ones that don't. But, trust and believe, men fight dirty too. It's not a gender thing, it's a maturity thing.
This reminds me of this post...http://pennibrown.blogspot.com/2006/08/im-right-youre-wrong-we-lose.html
Thanks for giving folks these rules. Let's hope they follow them.
I agree, Luv. People talk about the middle of the road as if it were unacceptable. Against my inner Virgo, even I must admit that things are not all black and white. Most all problems come into gray areas. There have to be compromises. The middle of the road is all of the usable surface. The extremes, right and left, are in the gutters. And the gutter is where we find ourselves spitting strong and bitter words indicating a weak cause. The difficult part in a war/argument is not to defend one’s cause but rather to know it.
Good One Corey! So many relationships could be saved if both parties were willing to play by the rules and engage fairly. You're absoluely right about the nagging and finger pointing that can come when we engage. After a while we tune out the noise and it's more like Charlie Brown's teacher.."whoom womp wom whomp" You hear sounds but it's just nonsensical noise. It took me a minute but now I get it!
I agree 100% you are a wise man C-Luv!
Well you've done it again! You're quite brilliant! It is definately something "we all" (men and women) need to work on and to remember when engaging in a disagreement. Eventhough we are two different people with differnt thoughts and opinions, things become tense when both parties are trying to get the other person to understand where they're coming from.
The thing to remember is there are three categories:
1. Major things- things that you feel are absolutely unacceptable- like murder, physical abuse,etc...
2. Small things- things that you don't really care one way or the other about and are not worth arguing over- like what you're going to eat for dinner, what temperature you're setting the thermostat in the house, etc...
3. In Between things- things that are important to you both that you talk about and come up with a compromise that will make you both happy.
A lot of times we place issues in the wrong category and we need to figure out what category each issue belongs in. If we stopped and thought about how short life is and and how important an issue really is in the whole scheme of things, we'd find that we might have less to disagree about! When we do have to disagree, we need to do it with mutual respect. Remember, talk to the other person like you want to be talked to!
hello,i kind understand why some things aren't resolved between my husband and I .Being married for ten years isn't easy.After reading your blog I now see things a little different I will try and change some of my ways of talking things out with him.Maybe now you can explain why men look at other women while they are with their spouse .I feel it's disrespectful and I rather get your point of view instead of my girls .
Nice strategies listed. Your post has caused me to reflect on The Art of War by Sun Tzu. The whole point of knowing what to do in unexpected situations and doing it with tact and appropriate responses. This is hard to do sometimes, especially when you act out of anger and don't know how to control that emotion in a healthy way. Great job in expressing your thoughts. Kudos!
wow..I couldn't have said it any better..
cuz
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