5 March 09 - WOD

"tHe uN4giVeN"

The dictionary defines the term fOrGiVe as follows:

for-give /[fer-giv]

– verb
1. to gRaNt pArDoN for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.); absolve.
2. to gIVe uP aLL cLaIm oN aCCoUnT oF; remit (a debt, obligation, etc.).
3. to cEaSe tO fEEl rEsEnTmENt aGaINsT.
4. to cAnCeL aN iNdEbTEdnEsS oR liAbILiTy oF.

The ideal of forgiveness, from my personal experience ... has always been one of the most difficult to subscribe to. Clearly, I've fractured a relationship rule or two, over the years. I think its safe to say that not one of us is transgression free. We've all sought forgiveness for an indiscretion, at some point in time. In most cases, whether the infraction was committed by us or against us, we've likely set out to proceed with a forgiving mindset. The problem occurs however when we say that we forgive yet fail to truly LET GO of the negative energies that are bound to the initial malevolent deed.

There is an important question which needs to be asked of oneself when faced with the task of forgiving a SIG. That question is: do I have the ability to actually forgive this individual and LeT gO of all ill feelings forever? If the answer is not an absolute YES, then its likely that you are not ready to speak the words "I forgive you". Its actually okay if you're not ready to put the matter behind you. What's not cool is to claim forgiveness yet constantly regurgitate the event(s) whenever you feel inclined to do so.

The act of forgiveness entails two facets. The first mandates that the fOrGiVeR come to grips with the fact that he/she will likely have to spend a significant amount of time reestablishing tRusT as it applies to the SIG who has violated them. The second facet requires that the fOrGiVeR must also be willing to proceed in the relationship while leaving his/her partner's transgressions in the proverbial rear-view mirror. In order to ensure a successful recovery, the violated party has to whole-heartedly embrace the "sHoRt-TeRm mEmOry" syndrome. I realize that this can prove to be an extremely tough pill to swallow. The fact remains that in situations like these, it is just as important to forget as it is forgive. Pardon the temporary pessimism ... but if you're not willing to forget about the situation, it's highly likely that you'll struggle in the forgiveness arena.

My logic is this:

To thine own self be TRUE. By this I mean ... if you know in your heart of hearts that 2 weeks, 4 months, or even 5 years later, you're still likely to fEeL sOmE kInDa wAy about the offense that your SIG has committed, do both of y'all a favor ... pack yo' ISH and get to moo-movin'. No need to torture either partner any further. However, If you do decide to forgive, PLEASE do just that. Make peace with the situation and lEt gO of the baggage. Holla if y'all hear me!!!

Corey R.