You, Her and Him
Okay, so I'm listening to Keyshia Cole's song "Let it go" the other day and for the first time I actually dissected the songs lyrics. In this song, Lil Kim has a verse in which she states "when he's with you, he's wishin' it was me, you might be where he's at, but I'm where he wanna be". Okay ladies, here's a hypothetical question for you all to address. If you HAD to be one of the two women described in the song ... would you elect to be the woman he was with or the woman he wishes he were with? Please share your thoughts. I'm interested in hearing your perspective.
Corey R.
14 comments:
C-Luv, the desire of a man is for a woman, but the desire of a woman is for the desire of a man. I'd rather be desired...you know, always in his head/heart than sometimes on his arm.
I'm with poison ivy. No one ever wants to be the second option.
yeah, but are you really the second option if you are actually the one he is with?
Who wants to be with a man who is constantly worrying about the next chick? This man is not going to be satisfied with what he has with the one he is with. He is going to find everything wrong with the one he is with. I'm gonna have to choose the woman he wishes he were with.
Bunb had me, until the last line. I'd choose NEITHER! He's not satisfied...so then he gets the "one he wishes he were with"....and then promptly wishes he were with another (just divorced someone like that, thank you very much).
Listen up real clear ladies. This next tid bit of advise is coming straight from the mind of an experienced woman. I've been married & divorced, I've been cheated on and cheated with. Let me tell you what I know to be true. A man is truly only with you, WHEN HE'S PHYSICALLY WITH YOU. Through my encounters I've learned Tis far better to fall asleep to a warm body than a cold bed any day. He can pretend I'm whoever he wants me to be as long as he's right here holding, kissing, caressing, and loving me. I would rather be the one he's with, hands down.
I have some issues issue with that song....But If I'm forced to choose I would rather be the one he's with. Afterall, how are his thoughts of me really benefiting me???
I don't want to either, because obviously he doesn't know what he wants. He lays with the one he's with and then lays with the one he thinks he wants.....I want to be with the one that wants me and only me.
This is a toughy....But since you asked:
While I wouldn't want to be either, truth is, this is the case in many relationships. After being in a relationship for a while, you sometimes desire or fantasize about other people. But more often than not, you stay with your mate whom hopefully you love. Desire for others fades in and out, so "if I had to choose" I'd rather be the one he's with. What in the world are you getting ladies, if you're the one he desires. NADA. Always a bridesmaid, never a bride...
This is a tough one. . . I too have been “the one he’s with” and “the one he wishes he were with”. And when I was in these situations I thought I was happier than a bee. I adopted the “As long as he’s making me happy” philosophy, but at the end of the day I was still alone. There are ups and downs to both sides. . . So you’re the one he’s with; yet he’s sneaking around, not attending to your needs, might not be making love to you anymore. Or you’re the one he wishes he’s with, all flattered, yet you’re sleeping in an empty bed, sending unreplied mgs, hoping that today is the day he’ll make time to be with you. LADIES, don’t be either on of these women. Be the women your man yearns for and can wait to get home to be with! (If I HAD to be one, it's the one he's with)
I'd rather be the one he desires.
Most of the women that commented seemed to assume that the desired one KNOWS that she's his first pick and that he's with a seat filler now.
Usually, you don't know all of that. The guy just steadily gets his ducks in a row so that he can step to you in a way that'll make you respond warmly. He calls, takes you on real dates, acts like a gentleman, the whole 9. He pulls out his a-game.
The difference between most men and most women is that a man will allow another woman to respond to his physical needs (the one he's with), all the while pining after the one he holds in high esteem.
The funny thing is, the one he's with usually has an inkling that 'something in the milk ain't clean' (thanks concreteloop). He's not that attentive; does the minimum required to keep her around; is not emotionally available.
But all too often, she thinks that if she sticks around - gives him all of her goodies, eventually she'll get all of him.
That doesn't usually happen.
I'm not going to choose either because I want to be both! I want to be the one he's with BECAUSE he wants to be with me! That's the bottom line to that! Be honest and if you're not happy make a choice. It's just like my mamma used to say- everybody ain't gonna like you and you ain't gonna like everybody! Everybody ain't gonna want you and you ain't gonna want everybody! It's all good... Regina King said it best in Poetic Justice... I ain't in da business of keepin' nobody dat don't wanna be kept! Keep it movin' and make it happen for yourself!
I know we sometimes get caught up in a situation that was never suppose to happen but I would never choose to play second to another. It's a powerful feeling to escape and wish/fantasize your with someone that your attracted to but on the flip side nothing’s worst than wishing you were with him while his with someone else (lonely seat). For the “one he's with” I couldn't imagine how it would feel to lay beside someone knowing you don't have his full attention and yet you spend every waking hour trying to please him to gain the love and attention you deserve. I want to remix it…I WANT IT ALL mind and body.
i want to both. the one he desires and the one and only person he wants to be with. I've played the role of being the one he desires and it was cool at times but at the end of the day he stayed with the one he was with. I've also played the part of being in a relationship with onen person while desiring someone else. love would be wonderful thing if you can be both and give the person your with both but like Mrs right said this is the case in many relationships.
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