24 Dec 08 - WOD

Sleigh bells ring...

Happy holidays beloved. I hope that by now, all of you have concluded your holiday preparations. I'm nearing completion, slowly but surely. I would probably be finished myself by now were it not for an unfortunate incident that occurred during my most recent visit to the shopping mall. Like to hear it; here it go...

On Monday evening, like most last minute shoppers, I made a trip to the nearby shopping mall to round up the last few gifts on my list. I stopped at a department store counter to ask the clerk to check the stockroom for a particular item. While I stood in line waiting for the clerk to return, I saw one of my former middle school homies. It had been years since our paths last crossed. I'll admin, I was a bit pumped to see him. Now y'all know how brotha's do when we reunite with old homies, right? I had to give my boy some major DAP! So as I reach out to extend some brotherly love, I unintentionally bumped into a passerby. Okay... I did a little more than just bumped into her, I actually elbowed the late teen/early twenties Asian girl in the forehead.

PIE-yOw!!!

As soon as I realized that I'd elbowed her, I turned to apologize. The convo went something like this y'all...

Me - "Oh snap, my bad! I sincerely apologize, I didn't realize anyone was behind me. Are you okay?"
Lil Asian Chick - "No, I'm not alright!!! Does it look like I'm alright? You need to be more aware of what you're doing when people are behind you!"
Me (in a poised, monotone pitch) - "I truly am sorry. It was an honest accident."
Lil Asian Chick's Mother - "Sir, it's okay. Honey, the man has apologized, let's go."
Lil Asian Chick - "No it's not okay. He needs to pay attention to what he's phukkin' doing."
Me (this time addressing the Lil Asian Chick's Mom) - "Ma'am, once again, I apologize. And I wish you and your family a happy holiday season."

At this point, the Lil Asian Chick is quite peeved at both me and her mother. She screams at her mom "you phukkin bytch", throws her clutch purse clean across the department store floor and storms out into the mall area. In the interim, the other customers (majority caucasian), my homie and I were all watching in stunned amazement. Many folk commented on how appalled they were by the young lady's deplorable behavior.

Meanwhile back at the mall entrance, the Lil Asian Chick is rubbing her forehead and discovers there's a knot on her right temple. Oh, that really ticked her off y'all. She really turned it up a thousand, at that point. Just then, the unthinkable happened. The Lil Asian Chick busts out into hysterical tears and yells out "look at my phukkin' head you Ni&&er". Immediately, the incident took on a whole new complexion for me.

As I'm standing in line ... I begin to silently count backward from 10 to one. My Grandmother was famous for doing that whenever someone pushed her buttons. So I turned my attention to one of the customers in line behind me. He began telling me "Clearly you're not the lone cause of her frustrations, she must be having a really bad day." I shook my head in agreement and the next thing I hear him say is "Uh Oh!!" Y'all know good & well when black folk hear the two words "uh oh" we immediately focus our sight towards the source of the uh-oh-ism. So instinctively, I direct my attention back to the mall entrance just in time to observe the Lil Asian Chick running back into the dep't store ... in my direction, none the less.

Okay y'all just for visualization sake... try to picture Lucy Lui facing off against Shaq. Not a good look right? This lil bama sprints back into the department store and stops approximately 5 feet shy of me. Here's how the dialogue unfolded:

Lil Asian Chick - "You don't know me bytch, I'll punch you in your phukkin' face."
Me - "Look shorty, you should probably run along with your family and continue with your holiday shopping."
LAC - "I'm not your phukkin' shorty, Ni&&er"
Me - (with the same calm monotone voice as before) "Watch your mouth."
LAC - "Don't tell me what to do you phukkin' Ni&&er"...

Now for anyone whose counting... that's officially the 3rd time she used the "N" word. I could literally feel my fingers begin to twitch. They yearned to reach out and slap the words back into her filthy little mouth. Miraculously enough, I maintained my composure during the entire ordeal. Moments later, she fled the store with one last quip "Why don't you phukkin' go back to Africa, you phukkin' Ni&&er?"

Trust me, I know what y'all are thinking. I know, Unphukkinbelievable!!! Everyone, (myself included) who witnessed the incident was left watching with our bottom jaw dragging the carpet. We were all dazed. Clearly the Lil Asian Chick had offended everyone in her presence. Not only that ... but she'd also managed to embarrass her family beyond imagination. I am still amazed and shocked at the level of self-control that i displayed. Clearly, if a friend had shared such a story with me, I'd bet the house that I would have put my hands on the perpetrator. What I find fascinating is that even in the midst of a blatant racist verbal assault, I never lost sight of who or what I am... an intelligent Black Man.

I was cognizant not to do anything to escalate the situation to an irreparable level. I did not want to give the Lil Asian Chick nor my caucasian counterparts the satisfaction of seeing a brotha lose his cool and wild out in a public venue. I definitely didn't want to belittle myself by resorting to a verbal sparring session with the Lil Asian Chick. In the end, I was clearly a BIGGER man than I previously imagined possible for myself.

Despite the fact that the clerk later informed me that the merchandise I wanted was on back order, I still left the department store that night with a sense of accomplishment. I can't help but think Barack would have been extremely proud of me. I also carried along with me a tiny little inner smirk. You see, I later realized via the soreness in my left elbow that the Lil Asian Chick's forehead would undergo far more hurt than my ego... because trust and believe me when I tell y'all ... I rang shorty's bell. HAHAHAHAHAHA ... oops, I meant HoHoHo.

Season's Greetings and Happy Holidays.

Corey R.

27 Nov 08 - WOD

Thank-Full

I woke up early this morning with a feeling of Joy in my heart. First and foremost, I'm thankful for my extended family which accepts me for exactly the man that I am. In all honesty, I'm a far cry from perfect... in fact sometimes, I'm a real "piece of work". Those who know me most intimately, are familiar with the mAnY complex working parts of my personality, and quite frankly... if I know y'all like I think I do, you wouldn't want me any other way. Additionally, I am grateful for friends who allow me to vent and provide much appreciated guidance and advice in times of distress. As my audience, you all serve as much more that just listening ears. In fact, at times, y'all are the shoulder that a brotha needs to lean on. You guys never disappoint me. I thank God for each of you. Know that on today and everyday ... I value and respect your honest, insightful, genuine feedback. In a world filled with phony, pretentious, opportunistic folk it does my heart well to know that I've developed a close knit group of grounded "give it to me straight with no chasers" loved ones. You dudes rAwK, maaaan. Happy Thanksgiving beloved.

Corey R.

5 Nov 08 - WOD

"Back on the map"

In the twilight of the most significant & monumental African American accomplishment in the history of the United States, I can't help but feel elated. Brotha Barack Obama has achieved the unthinkable. He has torn down the very walls that racial hatred and injust pseudo-tyrannical rulers of the past have constructed. He has transcended all of our hopes, dreams, and aspirations. He has captivated the minds, hearts, and will of a vast array of people (both foreign and native). Mr. Obama dared to fight the forbidden battle and I'll be damned if he didn't come out the VICTOR. Although bigger fish lay yet to be fried for our friend, our champion, our brother... let's all join in celebration for such a courageous, integrity filled, non "player hater", stick to the facts, CHANGE inspired presidential campaign.

I told my son back when Obama and Clinton were elected as democratic nominees that White America would NEVER place a brotha behind the helm. I have to admit, I was still a little leery even after Barack disposed of Hillary. I can honestly say that I've never been happier to have to "eat crow" than I am at this very moment. Not that I'm a pessimist but incidences such as a blotched Hurricane Katrina rescue effort and the mishandled Jena 6 court proceedings have conditioned me to operate under the mindset that White citizens of the U.S. would never support a Negro candidate. I fully expected my white counterparts to repeat the historic trend of publicly supporting the brotha but then catching "convenient amnesia" when they showed up to the voting polls. Well I'm happy to say that this year's election has altered my former logic because CLEARLY, Caucasian America showed overwhelming support of brotha Barack in the booth, last night.

I never imagined that Barack could outright win in states like Iowa and Ohio. In my opinion, the Good Ole Boys of America didn't care enough about "US" as a people to elect one of our kinfolk to the most prestigious position in the American political sector. The outcome of the election has revealed the first glimmer of HOPE for our nation, in quite some time. Lawd knows I could personally use a perspective overhaul. Over the past four years, I lost my sense of patriotism. The playing of the national anthem at professional athletic events no longer inspired me (except during the 2008 Olympics). The two aforementioned heinous instances in Louisiana helped to promote inner feelings of disconnect. I had begun to feel more like I was a citizen of the "Un-United" States of America.

Last night's surprising chain of events has re-ignited an internal fire deep within me. I am proud to say that America has FINALLY risen to the occasion. As a member of a minority race, I recognize that there is no way African Americans alone could have single-handedly propelled Senator Obama into the Presidential seat. This miraculous feat was brought to fruition as a result of a supporting cast comprised of black, white, Hispanic, and Asian voters alike. For the first time in very long time, "Our country tis of thee, sweet land of liberty".

On today, the American citizens in general have a great deal to celebrate. African American folk have much to rejoice over; although none more than my line brothers Keith, Damon, Eric, Harvey, and Samuel. You see, last night truly marked a momentous occasion for these five brothas. Not simply because WE now have a black President but rather and instead because for the first time in over a decade, Barack Obama has officially made it COOL to be a light-skinned brotha. I know I wasn't supposed to say this today but uh rah... BOO YAAAAH!!! What? Barack has a sense of humor, too. lighten up...

Corey R.

3 Nov 08 - WOD

Horseshoes & hand grenades just won't suffice!

So on the eve of election Tuesday, I'm full of mixed emotions. Prayerful that my boy Barack will reign supreme in the polls tomorrow. Suspicious that "da system" will pull a whammy on our azzes tho. Hopeful that if by chance Obama should happen to be elected the next President of the United States ... his family's safety will not be jeopardized. Anxious that "A Change" will finally catapult my brethren into an unexplored stratosphere. Optimistic that perhaps for once, those young brothers who society has been deemed "hopeless" will be motivated to dream BIGGER. I am so excited about the possibility for my son, my brothers, myself to feel empowered that we also possess the "STUFF" required to become, accomplish, & attain more than we've previously imagined possible. So much is riding on the outcome of tomorrow's election. I don't know about y'all but I'll never be satisfied with the feeling that our people have "come this far" or "gotten this close" ... the close factor only counts with hand grenades and in the game of horseshoes. If Barack Obama, You and I don't win this election, this may very well mark the last time I ever visit the voting polls. Don't be misled, good people. Y'all better know that if the numbers don't pan out, after the American citizens have had an opportunity to witness the debates and carefully assess both candidates, it means that "da system" was rigged. Barack has done all he can, the ball is in our court now y'all. Meet me at the polls tomorrow, beloved.

Corey R.

27 Oct 08 - WOD

"How to feel?"

Two weeks ago, my youngest Aunt (the cool one) came to town to pay my Grandmother a visit. My Aunt and her family reside in New Jersey so it's always cool to hangout with her when she's in town visiting. Since she had yet to see my house, I made it a point to be her personal chauffeur for the evening. I picked my Aunt Beverly up from my Grandmother's house and took her to Northeast Baltimore so she could check out the crib. Upon entering my home, my Aunt exclaimed that she was impressed by my choice of home decor. She joked that it was not at all like the typical bachelor pad. Then, in the next instant, her interior designer instincts kicked in as she began to make suggestions of subtle accent pieces that I might consider to further enhance the mellow "machismo" that I've established.

Last week ... surprisingly enough, my Aunt 'Bev' returned to town. It's rare to see her in Maryland two weeks in a row. This time, when I stopped pass my Grandmother's house, my Aunt surprised me with some beautiful window treatment for my dining room. No doubt, the addition of those lovely valances are going to transform the look and feel of my dining room. Beverly has always been the type of person who delights in doing wonderful things for others. She's one of the few folk I know who genuinely finds fulfillment in doing for others. She's a remarkable Mom, a supportive sister, an unconditional wife, a loving daughter, and a great person. I guess that's why I just can't seem to wrap my mind around the fact that she's no longer here.

On Friday night, my Aunt Bev was involved in a tragic auto accident. Both her husband and 21 year old daughter are in intensive care, even now. My Aunt wasn't as fortunate, obviously. She was pronounced dead at the scene of the crash, just after 8pm last Saturday. Right now I feel numb. I still can't take this melancholy news seriously. I keep expecting to awaken from this 72 hour nightmare and hear my Aunt's nasal voice telling me how much she's looking forward to my lil cousin's college graduation, in December. Damn, I hope it's true when they say she's in heaven looking down on us. I pray that she arrives in heaven in time to witness her baby girl's commencement ceremony. Just the thought of it should have me in tears but so far I guess I'm still in denial. The best way to describe my emotions is simply this: I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FEEL, right now.

Is that wrong?

Corey R.

27 Sept - WOD

"Premie...umm Convo"

Last week while I picked my 9 year old son up from after care, the program's director mentioned that he seems to be rather fond of a particular little girl in his class. Now if you knew anything about my boy, you'd realize right away that this is unique for him. Traditionally, he's a sports enthusiast, mainly. He can tell you just about anything you wanna know about college basketball or football but rarely does he ever talk about his affinity for cute girls. I mean, void an occasional comment that he believes his Mommy, Alicia Keys and Beyonce are all beautiful women. But never before has he taken a liking to a regular little girl. I think my exact sentiment when I heard the news was "Alright Luv, it's tighten up time!"

I bet some of y'all are thinking "Whats the big deal? So what ... your son thinks a lil' girl in his class is a cutie ... it's not that serious, C-Luv!" WRONG! If I learned anything during my three year tenure as a middle school teacher, it was the fact that this new generation of kids has far more exposure to sex laced content and material than our generation's pre-teen children. Quite naturally, as a concerned parent, I want to provide my son with actual fact based info about sex so that he does not have to rely upon any misinformation that he might eventually obtain from his peers.

Therefore, I meditated on the subject for a few days. How should I begin the conversation? What would be the best approach? This was really tough for me because I never had such a conversation presented to me as an adolescent. Much of what I eventually came to know and understand about sex was obtained through peer communication, literature, adult movies, and personal experience. As I prepared to deliver my soliloquy, I paused to take a deep breath and encouraged myself one last time ... "C'mon you can do this, bro. Just give it to him straight."

I sat my son down and began with my whole big spiel... I decided NOT to "talk down" at him because children are a whole lot more astute than we often give them credit for being. So instead of dumbing down my conversation, I attempted to hold a big boy conversation with my son. I guess somewhere along the way, I lost sight of the fact that my son is merely 9 years old. Anyway, I began telling my lil' man how sex is a physical act that occurs when an adult male inserts his penis into an adult female's vagina... yada, yada, yada. I wanted to stress the whole adult theme to drill home the point that sex should only occur between two responsible individuals. Meanwhile, he's giving me this blank stare. In my mind, I imagine that inside my son's head he probably hears the sound of crickets chirping. LOL.

I'm talkin' my butt off y'all and wondering if my message is sinking in. At this point, Daddy is on a roll though and there's no stopping me. Every once in a while, I pause to say something like "does that make sense?" or "you feel me?" to which he quite simply replies "Yes". I emphasize the importance of him consulting with either me or his Mom when he has questions about himself, his body, any sudden weird urges, or little girls and their bodies. Then finally, I'm done talking. I give my son some dap (i.e. I shake his hand) and a hug and we capped the evening off with a ritualistic Friday night game of Madden 09.

I called his Mom the other day to ask her to follow up with him to see what he was able to retain from our convo. I wasn't the least bit surprised to learn that all he understood from my 35 minute ramble session was that "Sex is nasty." Fortunately for me, my son has an amazing Mother. She pulled out an old sex-education book, sat down with my son, and they read the content together. From their conversation, he was actually able to formulate some questions which allowed his Mom to further clarify and talk to him on his intellectual level. Interestingly enough, at the conclusion of their more age appropriate conversation, my son's assessment of the subject was STILL "Ee-uhl Mommy, sex is nasty!"

The moral of the story... make sure you have proper reinforcements lined up before having the sex talk with your kid. As for me, I'm fortunate to have a professional "BIG talk" specialist to clean up my mess. Get yours, I got mine! Ultimately, I think my son's mom and I managed to buy an additional 2 to 3 years before we have to revisit this topic with our boy. Pray that you too are so fortunate. Be blessed.

Corey R.

16 Sept 08 - WOD

Plan B

Wouldn't it be great if we all had youth, talent, time, swagger and wealth on our side? These attributes would aid greatly to increase our odds for a successful lifestyle. Unfortunately, since very few folk possess Kobe's basketball bravado, Chris Brown's electric charisma, Denzel's cinematic charm, or Nasir Jones's poetic prowess, it would probably benefit us all to discover a more carefully tailored back up plan to ensure our own bright futures. From time to time, I allow my mind to drift off onto euphoric mental excursions. My imagination takes me to a place where I am 100% debt free, I own a modest single family home with an enclosed deck and home theatre... plus (just for kicks) I push the new Porsche 911 Targa 4. I envision a world that welcomes me home to a loving wife, 2.5 children and 3 exotic fish. Then just as I lean in to greet my lovely wife and kids with a kiss, my dreams are interrupted by the harsh reality of life as I know it... as many of you also know it.

My life, as it stands today consists of a job and a half. Sadly enough, if my luck suddenly were to plunge for the worse and God forbid I lost my full-time job, I'm ashamed to say that I don't have a solid fall back plan. I think it goes without saying that a brotha would get on his immediate grind with hopes of securing a replacement occupation. Truth is, if something as tragic as that were to occur in my life today, I could not comfortably maintain my current lifestyle for any substantial span of time. I hope for your sake that you are fortunate enough to find yourself in an altogether different category. I pray that if you are in the same boat as me, this blog raises your awareness to the fact that now is as good a time as any to start mapping out a "plan B". Do you have any sound investments, trades that generate additional funds, 401K or retirement funds, savings accounts, or even a reliable side hustle? If you do not have one or more of the aforementioned emergency exit strategies, NOW is the time to lay a foundation that will allow you to establish a nest egg fund. Especially considering the nation's current economic outlook, it would not be advantageous for any of us to place all of our confidence in our full-time job.

The Bush administration has assured us of at least one thing over the past 8 years ... the U.S. giveth and the U.S. taketh away. I'm not a financial advisor, but I do know that it behooves us all to establish a bit of a financial cushion. That good old fashioned "paycheck to paycheck" way of living is played out. Take the time to research alternative measures to supplement your current income stream. Mr. Kanye West said it best "having money is not everything; not having it is". Start planning today for a more comfortable tomorrow and may your proverbial "cup" runneth over in such a way that you'll have room to pour out financial blessings to others.

Corey R.

26 Aug - WOD

Daydreaming...

I was listening to my iPod on the way to work this morning when it occurred to me that most rising hip-hop artists share a common thread. They are BIG dreamers who possess both raw talent and an extraordinary hunger. Think about it, how many times have you heard a brand new artist rapping in his very first single about HIS big jewels, big money, big property, and big "whips"? Go home and turn on your television and observe as that very same artist is profiled in his debut music video donning all the superficial items that he glamorizes in the lyrics of his catchy new tune. You know as well as I do that these are video rentals of course. I mean clearly the average new artist doesn't actually own any of those high-end possessions.

Now fast forward two years (and one hit album) later and it probably doesn't surprise you to learn that the artist has secured every material possessions that he foreshadowed a few dozen months earlier, in his rap songs. You don't have to agree with his message but you have to applaud his methods. This young brotha is going after his dreams and achieving them. No matter how short-lived some of these dreams may be, the fact remains that he managed to seize an opportunity and actualize his dream. Many of us are quick to identify the negative attributes portrayed by today's young, aspiring rap artists. Conversely, I think we would be remiss to overlook their zeal, tenacity, and passion for making their dreams materialize in order to actually experience a taste of what they consider to be "The Good Life".

Perhaps it's time we stopped hatin' and started congratulating. We could all possibly benefit from taking a page out of their "hustle" manual. These youngens have set their sights on a specific set of goals and transformed those day dreams into a reality. You'll be happy to know that you possess the ability to do the same. The lone difference between most of us and them is that they not only dared to dream BIG but they actually took the necessary steps to bring their dreams to fruition. So today, I want to encourage you not to spend your day dreaming on a moderate scale. You were designed to do marvelous deeds. I charge you to dream BIGGER and hustle harder. Whether your dream is to acquire wealth, better health, a fairy-tale romance, continued education, etc... know that with a proportionate amount of hunger and drive, you too can live out your own personal definition of the good life. Be blessed.

Corey R.

16 Aug - WOD

Rules of Engagement:

The British Ministry of Defense states the rules of engagement (ROE) determine when, where, and how force shall be used when two opposing entities are engaged in war.


The ROE deal with four issues:
(1) When military force may be used.
(2) Where military force may be used,.
(3) Against whom force should be used in the circumstances described above, and
(4) How military force should be used to achieve the desired ends.


I find it interesting that two rival nations, even in the midst of an intense war are expected to conform to a gentleman's code regarding battle tactics. What I find even more compelling is that in many cases, companions often exercise a "no holds barred" approach when handling their disputes. I once heard it said that "All is fair in love and romance". What's with the blank stare? Don't tell me I'm the only person whose ever been involved in a relationship where his mate was notorious for a throwing low blows whenever a disagreement ensued?


I've interviewed a fair share of women especially who believe that being upset grants them the right to become verbally aggressive. Give it a break ladies, that logic is played out. I don't mean to insinuate that some brotha's aren't guilty of the same war crime. All I'm saying is that women have patented and perfected the "strike below the belt" strategy. There is nothing worse than having a disagreement with a mate who constantly regurgitates information that you confided to them, during a life crisis. Some information is totally inadmissible in the midst of a dispute. C'mon people, have a little dignity while forging through a disagreement. For those of you who think it's acceptable to NOT exercise restraint during an "adjustment" (clinical terminology for an argument or disagreement), I have taken the liberty of providing the ROE blueprint for relationships. Chickity check it...


Rules Of Engagement for Relationships (ROER):


(1) During a dispute, do NOT pummel your partner with personally painful information that he/she divulged to you in confidence.

(2) Learn to make a point minus the unnecessary excessive use of profanity; most folk tend to tune you out after the second curse word anyway.

(3) Recognize that it is perfectly acceptable for partners to have a difference of opinions; after all, you're two uniquely different individuals. Agreeing to disagree is the best bet sometimes.

(4) Refrain from over-stating the SAME point during any one conversation. Your partner heard you the first AND second times you said it. Trust me!!!

(5) Keep your personal quarrels between the two parties involved. Leave your friends out of your disputes. Ultimately, a solution has to come from you two.

(6) Focus on exercising restraint and respect, during an "adjustment". Even, bitter rivals have a certain level of respect for one another. If you take this approach, I guarantee your partner will have no choice except to reciprocate.

(7) Once both parties agree that the dispute is over... Let it go. No really, LET IT GO.

My suggestion is to shift your emphasis from trying to prove your point and belittle your partner to finding a peaceful compromise that appeals to both parties. The additional time saved from disputing can be spent "making up". If the U.S.A and Russia could "squash their beef" in a mutually respectful fashion, clearly you and your "Boo" have the STUFF it takes to do it too. Be blessed.

Corey R.


NOTE: the above information regarding ROE was obtained from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rules_of_engagement)

6 Aug - WOD

The Fresh Fruit Experiment

Have you ever experienced the sheer dissatisfaction of biting into a bitter piece of unripened fruit? If you have, you'll likely agree that in addition to the sour taste that bad fruit often leaves behind, it also leaves you feeling at least slightly disappointed. Ironically, the more attractive the produce, the more deflated you tend to feel after discovering that the taste does not correspond with the fruit's appealing outward appearance.

I recently settled upon the conclusion that I've been the "guinea pig" in a covert experiment, over the past several years. In this cleverly disguised ploy, I was consistently fed the most bitter fruit imaginable. Can you fathom the impact that this experiment had on a brotha's taste buds? I didn't think you could; let me break it down for you. As a result of having constantly consumed bitter fruit, I became virtually immune to the fruit's unsavory flavor. Sporadically, the experimenter would provide me with an occasional piece of fresh fruit. This was done only often enough to brainwash me into a false sense of achievement. Then almost instantaneously, I was back to feasting on seemingly endless amounts of unripened fruit again. This cycle repeated for nearly 3 years. My rotten bananas came in the form of a less than ideal professional career.

If you are not cautious, you too could easily become a victim of poor nutrition. An under-developed diet is not conducive to prosperity, good health, or happiness. It is important that we all recognize the areas in our lives that only reap fresh harvest often enough to fool us into episodes of complacency. My advice to you is to demand the most of every situation. Whether your fruit is represented in the fashion of a career-path, a partnership, or some other unique form... you deserve the absolute best. Life is your personal Farmer's Market, shouldn't you demand fresh produce? You bet your Apples, you should!!! Be Blessed.

Corey R.

16 July - WOD

The Trick Bag

Have you ever been manipulated; had your kindness mistaken for a weakness? I'm usually not the type of individual who is easily led astray, run amok, hood-winked, or bamboozled. Last weekend would prove to be an exception to that rule, however. Like to hear it, hear it go...

Allow me take you back to the beginning ...

Okay so, I'm minding my business on Saturday morning. Per my usual routine, I decided to catch up on some of the emails that I neglected during the busy work week. I noticed that in my inbox, there lie an URGENT email from a home girl whom I hadn't heard from in the past couple of months. Interestingly enough, I'd recently sent her a text message that went unanswered. That was pretty unusual behavior for her as she generally tends to holla back in a timely fashion. Naturally, I figured this email was a response to my unanswered text message. No problem... As I proceeded to read the contents of the email, I quickly became alarmed. The email went something like this...

Hi, I am sorry I didn't inform you about my urgent trip to Africa to assist with a program called Empowering Youth. The mission with this program is to aid in the fight against Racism, HIV/AIDS, Poverty and Lack of Education. The program is taking place in three major countries in Africa which are Ghana, South Africa and Nigeria. It has been a very sad and sobering experience for me thus far. The condition that I find myself in is very hard to explain. I am currently stranded in Nigeria because i lost my little bag which contained all of my money, passport, important documents and other valuables. I am facing a hard time here because I have no money on me. I now owe a hotel bill in excess of $1,000 and they want me to pay the bill soon or else they will have to hand me over to the authorities. I need your assistance urgently to help me get back home. I need you to help me with the hotel bill and i will also need money for food and my return home so please can you help me with a sum of $2,200 to sort out my problems here? I don't even have money to feed myself which means i have been starving so please understand how urgently i need your help. I am sending you this e-mail from the city of Lagos in Nigeria. I appreciate whatever you can afford to send me and I promise to pay back your money as soon as i return home. The only way to receive money from abroad here is through Western union money transfer or Money gram. I will be waiting to hear from you so that i can give you details by which to send money.

Regards,

... crazy right? So I sat and pondered the situation for awhile because clearly if the shoe were on the other foot and I was stranded in foreign territory, I'd hope that I could rely on friends and loved ones to help me to return home safely. So then I emailed my friend back stating that I didn't have the full amount that she requested but I would be able to make a modest contribution on her behalf. Additionally, I offered to call any of her loved ones in the event that she hasn't been able to reach them via email. This BAMA replies back with the following ...

Thanks so much for getting back to me and i appreciate your concern for me. I have contacted the embassy here and they are willing to give me a temporary passport to return, i contacted other relatives who are willing to assist as well. Please send whatever you can spare. Every little bit will help. Send your contribution through either of Western union or Money gram. Please send it to me at the hotel address below.

111 Kings Road, Lagos Nigeria 23401.

After you make the payment please provide me with the transaction information such as the sender's name and address, the control number, text question & answer and the amount sent, this is the information i will need to collect the money here. Waiting to read from you as soon as possible.

Many thanks,

... I know, good, ain't she? I thought so too. So off I go to the bank, made a small withdrawal so that I can at least help to get my home girl a decent meal for the next few days. I then made a mad dash to the Money Gram spot and proceeded to wire the money. As per the directions of the email, I text the security question, answer, and transaction # to her email address. All of a sudden, God intervened. My hand to the MAN, yall ... 2 minutes after I text that info to my friend's email address, I received a text on my cellphone from that very same friend which read...

"Hi everyone thx 4 the calls. Please disregard the email of me being stranded in nigeria needing $$. I'm in dc and safe. My account was hacked."

Oh snap. I just got GOT. So now your boy has gotta try to reverse the money wire before the scammer makes off with my loot. I felt extra stupid for "taking the bait". There I was, trying to assist what I thought was a friend in need and I ended up getting hood-winked. Needless to say, I put my car in reverse and hauled azz back to the Money Gram counter. Wait, the story gets better... In order to recover transmitted funds, an in-store representative must contact Money Gram's refund department via the telephone and provide details of the erroneous transaction. I swear to yall, I had the most impersonal customer service representative on Earth communicating with the refund department on my behalf.

LaTisha begins by explaining that she wants to request a refund for a recent transaction. Apparently the rep on the other end of the line is telling LaTisha that they no longer process refunds and that an on-site supervisor will need to process the reversal. All of a sudden LaTisha gets indignant with the refund rep... "Well when did that process go into effect?" She listened into the receiver for another couple of seconds and the rebuffed "Well obviously yall are getting paid to sit around and do nothing... What good are yall?" The next thing I know, the refund rep hangs up the phone. At this point, I'm buggin' out cause I'm really the only person who stands to lose something in this situation. Fortunately, another rep was standing nearby and she radioed for the manager on duty. Cheryl the MOD, was aware of the new refund procedure and was therefore able to fully refund my money.

All in all, it was a very eye-opening situation. I've read many an email warning of scam artists but never in a million centuries had I ever imagined falling victim to such a predator. In retrospect, there were some things I could have done differently in order to avoid this inconvenience. Since I failed to utilize these precautions, I've documented a few of them for your benefit.

1. Always require the alleged "friend in distress" to provide you with some sort of personal information that only that person and yourself would actually know, as a means of verifying his/her identity. For example: request them to remind you how the two of you first met.

2. Attempt to reach the "friend in distress" via various methods including but not limited to phone call, text message, and email before impulsively reacting to the smoke signals.

3. Contact any mutual friends to find out whether they've heard from the "friend in distress".

Following these guidelines will put you in a better position to avoid being "put in the trick bag". Consider yourself schooled.

Corey R.

17 Jun - WOD

Man Up!!!

Sunday was Father's Day and as is customary for the past 9 years of my life, my phone's text inbox was flooded with cordial messages that extending well wishes and affirming compliments. I also received a plethora of phone calls from friends and loved ones. One particular phone conversation stands out more than all of the others, however. A childhood friend of 19 + years called to congratulate me on yet another successful year of fatherhood. Then he made a profound statement. He said, "You're a GOOD father. Did you realize that not one of our immediate homeboys grew up with so much as a decent father?"

A dead silence fell upon us. We sat speechless for what seemed like an eternity as we each attempted to run through a mental list of all the homies to see if we could find even one exception to the declaration he'd just made. Unfortunately, he was correct. Not a single one of our friends (in our immediate circle) has the privilege of staking claim to a responsible, present, or positively influential biological father. For all intensive purposes, that's pretty screwed up or as the fellas and I would say "Damn, dat's tuff!"

The good news however is that the lack of paternal presence during our adolescent and teen years has inspired (at least in the cases of my friends and I) a generation of men with a determination to reverse the irresponsible trends of the father's of the 70s. Today, I would venture to say that 80% of my friends are fathers. I am proud to say that within our circle, it would be as difficult to sift out an irresponsible father as it was in the 1970s to find a responsible one. My homies have stepped up to the plate, big time. Even in situations where the relationship between the child's parents has dissolved, the fathers remain active, present, and positively influential in the child's life.

I know it's not popular for brothas to pat themselves on the back for doing what they are expected to do, so I'll "biggup" the brothas on their behalf. To all of my dudes out here who consistently rise to meet the challenges of fatherhood head on, I commend you. Good brothas, keep doing what you do. Understand that your children are much better off as a result of having you as a constant presence in their lives. Thanks for "manning up"!!! Be Blessed.

Corey R.

21 May - WOD

No!

A friend of mine often quotes the words of author, Gavin De Becker. Mr. Becker advises his readers that "No! is a complete sentence". Growing up in the early eighties, it was commonplace for most young men and women of my generation to exhibit courtesy and politeness, in some form or fashion. Our guardians tried to raise us to show respect and demonstrate appropriate manners. Mr. Becker raises the point that it is perhaps that very same courteous demeanor that renders some of us victims to aggressive individuals who prey on our inability to effectively communicate the notion of No!

Let's be real, the majority of us have been taken advantage of by an aggressor, at some point or another, simply because we failed to effectively communicate the notion of No! Each additional justification or explanation of why we said No weakens the initial statement. No, is a complete sentence! It requires no further clarity, validation, nor proof. Mr. Becker suggests that aggressors seek to manipulate a conversation and/or situation in order to control the deeds or thoughts of an unsuspecting victim, usually in an unhealthy manner. The author believes that the longer an aggressor can keep a conversation going, the greater chance he or she stands to influence and control the victim.

Here's a real life example involving an unsuspecting woman (who happens to be engaged) and a "platonic" male friend who has been secretly desiring that same woman's attention for years:

~~~~~

A cellphone rings:

** Unsuspecting Woman - Hello.

++ Platonic Male Friend - Hey, girl how you been?

** UW - I've been doing well ... kinda stressed though. Planning a wedding can be rough.

++ PMF - Yeah, I've heard its quite an undertaking. Hey listen, I was thinking... there's this nice lil' happy hour affair coming up next week. How about we meet up for a couple drinks? That should help you unwind, a bit.

** UW - That sounds like a good idea but I'm gonna have to pass. I'm just so busy, lately.

++ PMF - Dang girl, look at you, not even married and you're already on lock down. A few cocktails ain't never hurt nobody.

** UW - Nah, I'm sorry, I can't ... as tempting as the offer sounds. Lawd knows, I love my French Martinis too.

++ PMF - C'mon lady, one drink... you'll be home before your man even has an opportunity to miss you.

** UW - Well, I dunno. Maybe but ... I mean, I can't stay long.

++ PMF - GREAT! So then I'll meet you at Luv's lounge next Thursday at 7pm. Deal?

** UW - Okay, I guess. One drink only, then I'm out.

++ PMF - Cool!

~~~~~

The sad thing about it is that she doesn't even realize that in the back of his mind, ole boy is thinkin' "Succccker". I'll leave you all to determine in your minds how this story eventually unfolds.

Understand that a firmly stated "No!" is explanation enough for anyone. The next time you are presented with an offer that is uncomfortable, unappealing, or unimpressive ... do yourself a favor and just firmly tell that BAMA "No!" and keep it moving.

Be Blessed.

Corey R.

17 April 08 - WOD

cLoSe YoUrS

Last year, Tyler Perry brought his film entitled "Why did I get married" to theatres nationwide for our viewing pleasure. As is the case with most African American motion pictures, my homeboys and I conducted a brief post-analysis session of the main characters in the movie. We customarily try to determine which personality traits of the cast members can be likened to tendencies that we possess. I usually find these compare and contrast episodes quite fascinating. This session would prove to be different however.

I was disappointed to learn that the fellas pretty much all seemed to agree that my personality most closely mirrored that of the character Mike, (Jill Scott's husband in the movie). It actually bothered me to know that my closest friends associated me with a character who was so unbelievably inconsiderate, harsh, and deliberately hurtful. In all fairness though, it's not as if the fellas' perspectives were completely unfounded. In a previous relationship, at a much earlier stage of my life, I was in fact brash, brutally honest, and unsympathetic. Years ago, I harshly criticized a former girlfriend about her excessive weight gain. Although, I didn't go quite as hard as Mike's character, the fact still remains that I have inflicted my fair share of verbal assaults in the past.

The more I listened to my friends' accounts of my past antics, the more remorseful I felt about the way I mishandled that situation. I've grown quite a bit over the past few years. As a result, I dont simply acknowledge my mistakes; I also make an attempt to correct my wrongs, wherever possible. Even prior to the discussion I had with the homies, it was always apparent to me that this woman deserved a long overdue apology. Fortunately for me, I still have mutual friends with my ex. As I contemplated the best way to apologize to my ex-girlfriend, there were several thoughts that nearly prevented me from following through. The first thought that caused hesitance on my behalf was the fact that we haven't communicated in several years. The second was the fact that my mind kept trying to convince me that the conversation would fall upon deaf ears. What if she feels that your apology is too little, too late? I told myself "Forget it, I'm not doing it. We've both gone on with our lives, she's fine, I'm sure."

I probably convinced myself more than a dozen times not to go through with the confrontation, yet a part of me understood that this conversation truly needed to take place. Not just so that she would know that I'm sincerely sorry for the way I conducted myself in the past but more importantly because I've grown into a positive man and I owe it to myself to shed the burden of that former negative stigma that followed me for all those years. So three weeks ago, I arranged a face to face meeting with my ex. During our brief encounter, I apologized for every nasty remark, harsh criticism, and undeserved verbal assault that I have ever directed at her. I let her know that I would completely understand if she chose not to accept my apology. I also explained that I had not been at peace with myself for years as a result of never verbalizing my regret for the way I mistreated her, years ago. I concluded by telling her that I wished her nothing but the best that life has to offer because I feel that she truly deserves the best.

As I arose from my seat to leave, she calmly remarked "I forgive you, Corey" then she sealed the deal with a hug. I smiled on the inside when I heard her speak those four sweet words. To me those words symbolized a long awaited freedom. Freedom of the evil stigma that had previously attached itself to me. Freedom of the guilt associated with the mistreatment of a woman who once loved me unconditionally. Freedom from the chains that linked me back to my unresolved transgressions. Now... finally, I have closure. I swear it feels like someone just lifted the Eiffel Tower off of my aching shoulders. I don't claim to be "the boss of you" but if you have unhealed wounds, unresolved issues, or perhaps you have left the door ajar to some potentially volatile situation in your life; I strongly suggest that you do as I did and cLoSe yOuRs.

Corey R.

2 April 08 - WOD

You, Her and Him

Okay, so I'm listening to Keyshia Cole's song "Let it go" the other day and for the first time I actually dissected the songs lyrics. In this song, Lil Kim has a verse in which she states "when he's with you, he's wishin' it was me, you might be where he's at, but I'm where he wanna be". Okay ladies, here's a hypothetical question for you all to address. If you HAD to be one of the two women described in the song ... would you elect to be the woman he was with or the woman he wishes he were with? Please share your thoughts. I'm interested in hearing your perspective.

Corey R.

26 March 08 - WOD

Mirror rorriM

The past few weeks of my life have been resoundingly peaceful and serene. You're probably wondering what spawned this new found euphoric state, right? Well, if I had to pin-point the single most influential factor, I would attribute the change to an attitudinal adjustment that I implemented. One day about 6 weeks ago, my workplace morale hit an all time low. That was the same day I decided to conduct a little experiment. I decided to commit for 1 month to replacing my frustration filled defeatist mindset with thoughts akin to those of a champion. I determined within myself that I was capable of performing at a far superior level on my job. The results have been fascinating. Almost instantly, I became more efficient; able to complete more tasks during an 8 hour work day. This has yielded huge dividends as it translates into me being able to leave the office at a decent hour in the evenings. I've been nearly 40% more productive and less than half as stressed over the past month. Hence, I feel more refreshed during the day and I rest better in the evenings.

The positive turn of events at my workplace has prompted me to take an introspective look at other areas of my life as well. For instance, I feel that maybe an attitudinal alignment might also contribute a healthier courtship. I realize that harping on the cons of past relationships has ultimately contributed to the demise of those encounters. Therefore, I've implemented an additional self-imposed challenge; to divert my attention away from the cons and focus more energy on the positive aspects of my next romantic endeavor. I am curious to see if this approach helps yield better results. Some folk believe that our lives mirror our thoughts. I can't say for certain whether that statement is 100 percent accurate. One thing is for sure... I'd hate to be a life long pessimist only to find out on my deathbed that I had the ability to do great things simply by altering my perception as it applied to my own reality. Just the thought of that possibility alone makes me want to start formulating non-stop positive thoughts. I challenge you to start looking at your cup as "half full" for the next 30 days. I sincerely believe you'll reap positive benefits from doing so. I dare you to prove me wrong. Be Blessed.

Corey R.

28 Jan 08 -WOD

Space Invaders

This one is for my dawgs...

Okay bro here's the deal... you cheated on your girl, you got caught out there and now your lady wants to end the relationship. So what do you do? Don't answer that. Instead, let me tell you how it all goes down. Now that you've gotten jammed up, you are determined to do whatever it takes to salvage your strained relationship. All of a sudden, you "think" you realize just how much your woman really means to you. Out of the blue, it becomes crystal clear that you really did have a GOOD woman in your corner. She's smart, attractive, upwardly mobile, she can cook, the lovin' is great, she knows how to cater to her man, and she makes more money than you do. The thought of some other guy ending up with your woman is enough to drive you insane. So now you return to your old ways of trying to woo your lady. You know I'm right. So you begin to send flowers to her job again, you leave cute little cards in her briefcase, you call her phone when you know she's not available just so you can serenade her voicemail with an ole' familiar love song from yesteryear. Isn't it funny how, just like that, you manage to revert back into a dating pro?

So especially for my fellow hind-sighted courtship experts out there, I jotted down a few questions that the sistahs want answers to:

1. Why does it always require men to get caught up in a dramatic episode before they realize the true value of good mate?

2. Why do men tend to cheat on their woman with a girl who clearly doesn't measure up to the 'DIME' they have at home?

3. What gives men the audacity to think that a few apologies and kind gestures should help to restore a betrayed woman's trust, confidence, or love?

One common thread amongst most men who have cheated and gotten caught is that all of a sudden we become relationship micro-managers. In other words, we want to know where she's going, who she's going with, when she's coming back, and mainly CAN I GO TOO? I went through a similar situation once with an ex-girlfriend. I can still recall walking on egg shells whenever she was out of my direct line of sight. I would try to plan daily activities just so that I could account for every second of idle time in the course of her day. The "Ex" would decline my offers of course and tell me that she just needed time away from me so that she could sort things out mentally. Y'all already know a brotha wasn't trying to hear any of that madness though. Instead, I tried harder. That's right ... I did everything from planning romantic outdoor excursions complete with fruit, wine, chocolates and finger sandwiches; to orchestrating spontaneous mini vacations; to "Baby I was thinking, you should let me take you shopping"... Don't sleep, a desperate man will resort to anything. She would typically accept the offers that were most beneficial to her. Yet at the end of the day, she made it painfully clear that I was crowding her space. The toughest thing for a man to do is to let go when he knows his woman is in a vulnerable space.

Fellas, take heed... it will benefit you, your lady, and the relationship far more if you just honor the woman's request and allow her some much needed space. Nothing will drive a woman away quicker than an over-bearing cheater. You've made your bed, bro. It's time to man up and lie in it. If that woman manages to forgive you, whether sooner or later, it will ultimately have to be her own decision. Your constant presence is merely a reminder of your betrayal. You are doing more harm than good. BACK OFF! She will get in touch with you ... if and when she decides to. And if she never does, well then I guess you should start considering a full term relationship with "the runner up". I'm just saying, it is what it is, dawg.

Corey R.

22 Jan 08 - WOD

The Talk

A happy couple who has been dating for 7 months decides to evaluate the current state of their relationship one evening over a quiet, romantic dinner. The woman, between sips of her favorite wine, begins the conversation with a classic question... "Sooo Babe, where do you see us 6 months to a year from now?" The gentleman places his fork back on his plate very precisely, completely chews the remnants of the sliced steak he'd previously bitten into, and then he replies "I actually feel pretty good about the space we're operating in right now. Think about it... We spend consistent quality time, we're still growing and learning one another's likes and dislikes; meanwhile we're accomplishing all of these things minus the stresses that often accompany a committed relationship. The way I see it is ... why tamper with perfection?" He smiles as he cuts off another slither of steak then gracefully raises the fork to his mouth.

Deciding it best to leave well enough alone, the couple diverts their attention back to their delightful meal. The man is pleasantly surprised as he realizes he just dodged a huge bullet. The couple finishes the main course and a bottle of wine. After sharing dessert with his sweetie, the gentleman requests the bill. Just as the waiter walks away to retrieve the bill, the woman turns to her companion and belts out the words every man hopes to never hear, "Oh so I'm good enough for you to sleep with but not good enough for a committed relationship, huh?" In the blink of an eye the entire evening just turned bittersweet. Ladies, can you help a brotha understand... why would you elect to have the talk when everything appears to be flowing along smoothly? Haven't you heard the saying... if it ain't broke, don't fix it? I don't mean to suggest that you should settle for less than you deserve, I'm simply trying to understand a woman's logic. Can someone please shed a little light on this situation for the fellas?

Corey R.

15 Sept 08

Plan B

Wouldn't it be great if we all had youth, talent, time, swagger and wealth on our side? These attributes would aid greatly to increase our odds for a successful lifestyle. Unfortunately, since very few folk possess Kobe's basketball bravado, Chris Brown's electric charisma, Denzel's cinematic charm, or Nasir Jones's poetic prowess, it would probably benefit us all to discover a more carefully tailored back up plan to ensure our own bright futures. From time to time, I allow my mind to drift off onto euphoric mental excursions. My imagination takes me to a place where I am 100% debt free, I own a modest single family home with an enclosed deck and home theatre... plus (just for kicks) I push the new Porsche 911 Targa 4. I envision a world that welcomes me home to a loving wife, 2.5 children and 3 exotic fish. Then just as I lean in to greet my lovely wife and kids with a kiss, my dreams are interrupted by the harsh reality of life as I know it... as many of you also know it. My life, as it stands today consists of a job and a half. Sadly enough, if my luck suddenly were to plunge for the worse and God forbid I lost my full-time job, I'm ashamed to say that I don't have a solid fall back plan.


I think it goes without saying that a brotha would get on his immediate grind with hopes of securing a replacement occupation. Truth is, if something as tragic as that were to occur in my life today, I could not comfortably afford to maintain my current lifestyle for any significant period of time. I hope for your own sake that you're not in this same category. I pray that if you are, this blog raises your awareness to the fact that now is as good a time as any to start mapping out your "plan B". Do you have any sound investments, trades that generate additional funds, 401K or retirement funds, savings accounts, or even a reliable side hustle? If you do not have one or more of the aforementioned emergency exit strategies, NOW is the time to lay the foundation that will allow you to establish a nest egg fund. Especially considering the nation's current economic outlook, it is probably not advantageous to place all of your faith in your full-time job. The Bush administration has assured us all of one thing over the past 8 years ... the U.S. giveth and the U.S. taketh away. I'm no financial advisor, but I do know that it behooves us all to establish a bit of a financial cushion. That good old fashioned "paycheck to paycheck" way of living is played out. Take the time to research alternative measures to supplement your current income stream. Mr. Kanye West said it best "having money is not everything; not having it is". Start planning today for a more comfortable tomorrow and may your proverbial "cup" runneth over in such a way that you'll have room to pour out financial blessings to others.



Corey R.

7 Jan 08 - WOD

Like you like that...

Have you ever paid close attention to the laws of attraction? I have. One thing that has been consistent throughout my observations is the majority of the time, the person we are most attracted to is usually attracted to someone else. What is equally as fascinating is the fact that there is often some random individual who thinks the world of us; yet we don't reciprocate their affinity.

Here is a perfect example of the laws of attraction in action:

Kyle a very popular marketing executive has a thang for his colleague Nancy whose intelligent, smart, sexy, confident, and goal oriented. Nancy doesn't like Kyle "like that" though. You see she's in pursuit of John. John lives in a roomy condo over looking the downtown Harbor. John likes Katherine, Tina and Nancy but he loves Chrissy. Chrissy comes from a wealthy family, drives a Porsche, works an average of 16 hours a week, and spends the rest of her time trying to impress an unemployed, under-achiever named Dexter. Dexter likes Chrissy's fashion savvy and he thinks she's cool but he doesn't like her "like that" because he'd much rather spend time with the boys. Oh by the way, Dexter is sweet on Jeremy. Ain't life funny?

Personally, I recall an occasion where I sought the attention of a particular female acquaintance who didn't share my enthusiasm for getting to know one another. I admit that in that instance I questioned whether I lacked the special STUFF required to woo the object of my affection. I soon came to terms with the fact that I could have done one handed cart wheels while wearing florescent boxer briefs in the midst of a snow storm and still never have gained her attention in the manner I wanted it. That's the nature of the laws of attraction.

If we live long enough, most of us will get burned by these laws. Let's face it, at some point we'll be smitten by someone who plain and simply will not like us "like that". What's more important is that we understand No MATTER WHAT... we are not to blame. Spend less time seeking validation from others and more time concentrating on liking yourself. Understand that its the loss of that individual who passed you over; not your own. For the record... I like you like that. Be blessed.

Corey R.